Gonad Yaksplitter

"Hrah! Not yet has Gonad bled enough!!" Gonad Yaksplitter, is the chief of the nomadic Barbarian tribe known as the Village of Gonad. He is a revered warrior, a sought after teacher of philosophy and combat, and a lover of hefty women.

He is played by the user Dr Amalarik.

Description
A monstrous physical specimen, standing at over 7'2, 480 pounds. Pure unadulterated muscle. Lean muscle that ripples under his flesh like the waves of the ocean. He has muscles on his muscles. Feet Muscles. Finger muscles. Muscles in places muscles should not be. Bulging veins, thick and course. Tendons like steel cords. Fingers like blunt iron rods. He boasts a great dark gray beard, the mightiest beard in the land, speckled with the blood and bone flakes of his foes. He is missing an eye, for you only need one eye to crush your enemies. He wears no armor, for one only needs meat and flesh to block attacks. His body is riddled with the countless wounds left by his combative livelihood. Where the scars do not cover his body, coarse manly hair, thick and strong like steel wool, does.

Summary
Many years ago, legends say a hefty barbarian woman named Chonga had a one night fling with a hill giant, before strangling him to death the next morning. Several months later, by perhaps some miracle, she bore a child. They say when Gonad Yaksplitter (Known as Yaksplitter Gonad by his foes, who are all dead) was born, he came into this world bearing a full and mighty beard, and had the equivalent muscles of a shaved adult yak. As the truth stands, rather than being the progeny of a hill giant, he was actually born with a complete and total deficiency in myostatin, the hormone that limits muscle growth and testosterone. This, coupled with muscular dysmorphia, an overactive pituitary gland, and an insane rate of metabolism, created the ultimate specimen of physical manhood.

Trained in the Barbarian and Berserker arts of combat since the moment he could walk, he crushed furry animals even before then. Every minute of every hour of every day of his life, he endured the most physically and mentally crushing training imaginable, his talent of unarmed combat pushed beyond the limits of reason. He bears as many scars from his training as he does from battle. Gonad has participated in thousands of individual fights, ranging from one on one bouts to full scale wars. Gonad fears nothing, and everything fears Gonad. There is no life, death, joy, sadness. Nothing but the fist of Gonad exists, eternally judging the honorable from the dishonorable, and crushing all who dare oppose it. Friend to all manly men of honor, enemy to the rest. He lives for battle, women, and ale.

Personality
A true warrior, the blood of Gonad boils at the prospect of a great battle. The greatest of his lusts, he desires a worthy opponent above all else. To Gonad, a battle to the death is the most sacred and honorable ambition a warrior can hope for.

He respects women greatly, and is sworn to only ever strike a woman in self defence, with the flat of his hand. He never will engage in dishonorable practises such as deception, and will not tolerate an unfair fight.



In Gonad's belief system, it is understood that no warrior can be called truly "Proficient". This is because that would imply a fighter who is "Perfect", meaning that he could never be beaten. As Gonad believes that there is always a stronger opponent, he maintains that he is, and always will be a student. With this belief, all physical limitations are considered nonexistent, as there will always be the motive of growing stronger without end, whilst maintaining an air of humble dignity and respect for the potential of others.

History
In his youth, Gonad was the son of Jorvi Yaksplitter, the previous chief. His mother was known only as Chukka. From the moment of his birth, he was made to perform rigorous excersizes in order to develop his body as soon as possible. The full details of his training remain unknown for the most part, as the accounts of Barbarians are often muddled with myth. What is known are the basics of his regimen, from the day of his birth, to current day.

Aged One: Gonad is regularly beaten with a wet strip of leather. Gonad is regularly held over stoked flames for an unknown period. Gonad is regularly given small rodents, and encouraged to crush them in his hands. Gonad is forced to develop his upper body strength via unknown means, involving a two pound rock, a plank, a boot, and rope crafted from yak hair.

Aged Five: Gonad is regularly taken several dozen miles into the wilderness before being abandoned and told to make his way back. Gonad is regularly brought into tribal wars, claims to have had a double digit kill-count before his sixth year. Gonad is made to regularly consume the flesh of his fallen enemies. Gonad is regularly made to carry an eighty-pound rock upon his back. Gonad is regularly beaten with wooden staves whilst wrestling with his older peers in a pit full of yak dung. Gonad is made to regularly mate with older Barbarian women. Gonad made to regularly strike rocks with his bare fists.



Aged Ten: Gonad is regularly made to fight wild animals unarmed. Gonad is regularly beaten with iron rods. Gonad is made to carry a one-hundred and eighty pound rock upon his back at all times. Gonad is branded regularly with hot irons. Gonad is regularly made to punch yaks until they die of blunt force trauma. Gonad is regularly made to skin and disembowel dead yaks with bare hands. Gonad is regularly made to eat raw yak flesh. It was at this time Gonad met Lukka, his first wife.

Aged Twenty: Gonad claims to have triple digit kill-count. Gonad regularly strikes face against rocks. Gonad regularly falls from twenty-thirty foot cliffs. Gonad regularly takes mass beatings from his village as endurance training. Gonad regularly punches himself. Gonad regularly made to to at a three-hundred and forty pound rock upon his back at all times. Gonad regularly performs various custom excersizes, among them being the Persion Clubs Rotation. Gonad regularly sets off on three-month long expeditions to seek strong opponents. It was at this time that Gonad created the "Hefty Fist" style of martial arts. By this time, Gonad had already met his second, third, and fourth wives; Chinga, Brokki, and Dronna, respectively.

Current, Aged Thirty-Two: Gonad seeks immense physical stress by any means possible. Continues to go on three-month long expeditions from his village to seek out strong opponents. Gonad claims to have a quadruple digit kill-count. Gonad regularly carries a four-hundred and thirty-four pound rock in his arms. Currently, Gonad has a total of eight wives, with the new additions being Thorungi, Krabbucka, Grukkarina, and Pistara.



The Falador Days

Soon after Gonad's twenty-first birthday, his father, Chief Jorvi Yaksplitter was killed in battle. Gonad was made chief immediately upon his return from the Misthalani War. The most notable moments of Gonad's experience were concurrent with recent events, in his thirties. He made his first trip to Falador, having heard of the many fights that occurred there. Gonad, upon arrival, decided upon a prolonged stay. His most notable victories during this period in time include defeating a squadron of eight white knights, a pirate, The Fungal Queen, two dragons, and a demon all within a two-hour period using only unarmed combat.

The Mortanian Trek

After Gonad's stay in Falador, he traveled to Morytania in search of stronger opponents. Upon passing the River Salve, Gonad was confronted by a troop of Vyrewatch seeking a tithe. After having tried cooking and eating them, Gonad had then found his way to the town of Canifis, where he would settle for some time to come. Notable victories which occurred during this time period include various werewolves and vampyres, an infernal demon lord, and three Vyrelords.



The Heroes Academy

Upon leaving Mortania, Gonad had then traveled to the outskirts of Al-Kharid to seek greater strength. There he joined with the Heroes Academy, quickly becoming the Melee Master and taking on the role of a teacher. Notable victories during this period in time include defeating an undead dragon and a werewolf with unarmed combat, as well as fighting a fully powered post-ritual Mahjarrat to a standstill. He is still currently stationed at the academy.

Trivia

 * Gonad rarely calls people by their actual names, often using their physical appearance to give them a nickname such as Pale man, Sparkly pants lady, Funny hair, and Funny beard.
 * Gonad refers to magic as "sparklies"