Horatio

(This is a character played by Naudez) "Nothing's impossible. Just highly improbable."

- Me

I, Horatio, am a magicican with the daunting task of making the world more improbable! And selling stuff (which you should buy. Tell your pals, too.)

Lifestory
So a while ago, I was on some cold island place with a smart guy and a bad poet who turned out to be a pretty cool dude (this had nothing to do with the temperature.) But I'm getting ahead of myself, he wanted us to solve some kinda puzzle but then he got all upset when we didn't do it fast enough. Anyway, he reminded me to use a guide and that was pretty helpful. I had to steal a locket, order a cheese and tomato batta, then feed it to an artifact thingy. Then we had to pluck some produce from a tree while it was threatening us with a curse and feed it that. So this Bandosian pirate with a symbol for a face (it looks as stupid as it sounds, heh) had us take it to some ancient imprisoning place with giant statue guards and release a lake lady. And things weren't going so well at that point. Symbol-face told me he wasn't gonna pay me! NOOO! But yeah, that was a mistake! I teamed up with their enemy, Marc. He'll pay for this, literally.

I was hanging out with an easterner a while ago and found him with his gang in a palace, but they ran away. I doubt it was because they realized how dangerous I am, they were probably just being a bunch of big scaredy babies. Heh. Welp, Marc invited me and a big guy called Oof ('the Fist') to his hideout and had us investigate a kidnapping spree. The place we went was all scorched up for some reason. These farmer guys wouldn't tell us where the kidnapper was unless we did suspiciously described favors for them. Ain't nobody got time for that! I know what they were talking about...

Then we had some luck and motivated one of them to show us where he was. Only it turned out to be bad luck! He tried to lock us up and get us mauled by dogs, but then it switched to good luck as my good old buddy the poet broke down the wall and got us out of there on some hornless unicorns. But then the unicorns decided to go for a swim so we had to go on foot again.

We made to this real drab-looking tower where we hid and spied. It turned out the kidnapper wasn't who he said he was! He was using a disguise all along! But I didn't even know who he was pretending to be, so whatever. Some lake ladies spotted us but we took 'em down with our superior skills and powers. Marc was there, but I dunno what happened to him after that. Well, we bounced up to a window via trampoline and the place was all empty. Then we made it to the top, where there were floating islands. The kidnapper tried to zap me with some electric thingymajig, but I was too fast. Oof held off his gang of lake ladies until he had the bright idea of combining with me to put the best of our strengths together. Worked like a charm, the kidnapper got pulverized by his hulking fists and my rock cakes. Good game. For some reason, he dropped a book after we beat him into next week.

Looks
I wear a red and white suit with a yellow amulet and cape. Not that you can tell, but under my headwear I've got the coolest hair and fanciest mustache around. Oh, and my hair and skin match the respective colors of my suit.

Abilities
My most defining feature! I'm a being of improbability, and as such I can do all kinds of stuff and gain whatever skill I need. But my traits tend to mix themselves up on their own, so I have to keep on my toes. Sheesh, why can't having all the utility in the world be easy?

Besides what I may or may not be able to do through my random powers, I've got some memorized. And I can always use my cards, bubblegun, cakes, and so on. I always have plenty of tricks up my sleeve for whenever I can remember to use them.

Miscellaneous

 * If you can't find me anywhere, I just might be at home on Zanaris. (Don't forget to buy something.)