User blog:Dion Magnan/The Story of The Friendly Fat Man

Chapter 1 - In The Beginning
'''Life has it's challenges. Nothing worth acquiring does not first come without sweat or emotional hardship. The Friendly Fat Man learned this at a young age.'''

Crime was one thing that The Friendly Fat Man had no intention of doing. He would feel a tremendous amount of shame and guilt. And he had no reason to do it. He was a pacifist. He had grown accustomed to stepping aside for the rough crowd.

He understood what it was like to be bullied. To yield to the tougher guy. To have things taken from you. To have your first car smashed beyond repair for no reason by a drunk mobster with a baseball bat.

The Friendly Fat Man would get in his car and drive for hours in the country. The smell of the trees, the warmth of the summer sun, and the pleasant breeze..This relaxed him beyond words. It was his favourite place to be.

''' His first car held great sentimental value to him. It would take him away from all his problems. '''

Chapter 2 - Adrenaline, Cigarettes, & Bikes
''' The Friendly Fat Man developed a habit of smoking shortly after his car was destroyed. This habit was fed by his new-found lust for adrenaline, which was fueled by his new-found passion for motorcycles. '''

Rather than quietly cruising in a car through his hometown at a slow pace as he always did, The Friendly Fat Man now sped through the forested roads on the outskirts of his town where he was alone, but content. He was going steady with a girl from his neighborhood and couldn't complain. Seeking adventure and craving adrenaline, he would find unfamiliar roads and speed down them. He'd wave to unfamiliar people along the road. Confused, they would wave back.

''' He had become known as the "Friendly Man". '''

Although he was not a professional driver of any sort, The Friendly Fat Man had eventually registered himself in a multitude of local races and even traveled to several stunting areas. The skills that he learned during these years would help him for many years to come. Then it happened.

He had been trying to pass by a car ahead of him during one such event when the driver's door violently swung open and the driver fell out. The Friendly Fat Man drove over the driver's neck, killing him instantly.

The Friendly Fat Man's lawyer assured him that he would not serve a prison sentence because the death was not his fault. He promised The Friendly Fat Man that he would not have to suffer through any more embarrassments or indignities for the rest of the day.

Thirty minutes later he was in the courtroom using illustrations to explain to the courtroom audience that it was The Friendly Fat Man's weight that made it impossible for him to slow down due to the force of inertia.

The girl that The Friendly Fat Man was going steady with had now moved away. The manslaughter case ended, instead, with a lawsuit against the manufacturer of the BF-200. This resulted in a recall of all the bikes of that production line, and a more recent model was to be developed.

The Friendly Fat Man did not ride motorcycles for a long time after this.

Chapter 3 - A Friendly Train of Thought
Having grown up in a small town where good, religious people were scarse, The Friendly Fat Man always tried to be courteous and help others in need. Those who chose not to ridicule him, were instead inspired by his kindness. He often saw the good qualities of others very easily. He could also pick out the bad qualities each individual possessed as well.

Even after several months, the memory of the death still remained as vivid in The Friendly Fat Man's mind as it did everyone else's. The townsfolk never let him forget what he did. It was often joked about that if you had a disagreement with The Friendly Fat Man, he would run you over when no one was looking. The Friendly Fat Man did not appreciate this. The death was more unsettling to him than it was to anyone else.

"Friendly Man isn't so friendly!" This became a popular phrase.

The victim had lived through his entire life; learned many things, and had many experiences. And all of this came to an abrupt end before The Friendly Fat Man's very eyes. The Friendly Fat Man did understand that it was not entirely his fault. Yet it was an emotional burden. He found himself thinking about it more and more. He would obsess over it.

''This person was no longer alive. And it was because of The Friendly Fat Man's actions. If he hadn't been there, the deceased would still be alive. The Friendly Fat Man learned that his actions would greatly affect others' well-being in the years to come.''

Although he knew that it was wrong to think this way, he felt that his own life was deprived of happiness and if somebody else happened to suffer a similar injustice, it wasn't such an unfair thing.

Several years passed by. The Friendly Fat Man's old girlfriend returned. Expecting a warm greeting, The Friendly Fat Man was instead hit with the news that she had fallen in love with the mobster who destroyed his first car one decade prior.

''' The Friendly Fat Man was not pleased. '''

Chapter 4 - The Prime Years
The Friendly Fat Man never liked the man who destroyed his first car. He always became frustrated when he thought about it. It was true that it was far in the past, but why did it happen? It was unprovoked. And now it seemed that the mobster had taken his girl, too.

''' What was he doing wrong? Was he too nice to people? The Friendly Fat Man always wondered this. '''

Was it because friendliness was a sign of weakness? Isn't friendliness a good trait? Was it not good to be pleasant to others? He thought about this and thought about this.



One winter night he had been drinking at a bar alone, when the mobster from so many years ago walked in. Both of them were clearly drunk and not afraid to speak their minds. The mobster recognized The Friendly Fat Man after having a few drinks and called him over to speak to him. The Friendly Fat Man understood this man's position of respect and did not wish to cause a problem. Feeling quite drunk, he put down what had planned to be his last beer and hesitantly approached the mobster to sit down with him.

When offered yet another beer by the mobster, The Friendly Fat Man knew not to decline this man's offer and accepted it politely. The mobster repeatedly told The Friendly Fat Man that he seemed like a "friendly guy".

They spoke for quite some time. The Friendly Fat Man noticed that the mobster still showed no remorse for destroying his car so many years ago. This was odd, considering how the mobster seemed so intent on making such a good impression.

It soon become clear that the mobster's intentions were not good, and he was only having a good time making fun of The Friendly Fat Man, all the while remaining kind and buying him beers at the same time. It seemed that he had learned a lot about body language from his experiences, based on the conversation that they had been having, and it became apparent that he enjoyed taking advantage of people who did not realize it.

''' The Friendly Fat Man silently became furious and continued to sip his ale. '''

The conversation began to linger on the topic of the mobster's new fiancé. By now, The Friendly Fat Man was fully aware that he was being verbally maimed by this mobster and needed to relieve some stress. He announced that he was going outside for a cigarette and was not pleased when the mobster decided to accompany him. The two of them smoked together as snow fell silently around them.

''' The mobster began repeatedly referring to him as "The Friendly Fat Man". This only angered him further. Soon something was said involving the mobster's fiancé that finally set The Friendly Fat Man off. '''

He tore a pipe from the building and, without thinking, struck the mobster in the head with it. The mobster fell motionless in the snow. The Friendly Fat Man knew what he had done and began to panic. There was no way in hell he would willingly go to jail for life. This gangster scum deserved it. All gangsters did.

The Friendly Fat Man stole the pickup truck that had been parked in the parking lot and loaded the motionless body into the back of it. He drove off into the night and made sure the load was never seen again.

Many years later, The Friendly Fat Man ran into his old girlfriend again. She had been doing well since her fiancé disappeared without a trace and was very happy to see The Friendly Fat Man. They began to see each other more and after several years, were married.

They moved to New York City to raise their newborn son and daughter and lived happily for a long time.

Everything was as good at it could possibly get! The Friendly Fat Man had made a success of himself in New York City!

He was enjoying life, and had absolutely no problems in the world to worry about. The most stressful part of each day was getting his children onto, and off of the school bus on time. Nothing could ruin his life now. He had a wonderful family with intelligent children. He had a home that was well-built, a good-paying job, and a wife that he was very close with and to whom he could tell anything without getting her upset.

' Well, almost ''anything.. '''

Chapter 5 - A new beginning
The Friendly Fat Man's wife divorced him and took custody of their children. She claimed ownership of the property and no longer wanted anything to do with The Friendly Fat Man. He began drinking heavily and was fired from his job because of it. All of the emotional security that The Friendly Fat Man had grown used to for so many years was gone now and he did not know what to do. It was over now and he had no direction to go.

All he needed was a way to make some quick cash so that he could get his life back on track.

One lonely evening after drinking at the bar, The Friendly Fat Man decided to take a shortcut through an back alleyway. He was drunk, lost in thought, and trying to come up with a solution for his money problems. He had no sooner began whistling a tune when a well-known dark figure grabbed him from behind, pinned him up against the wall, and robbed him at gunpoint.

Upon asking not to be shot, The Friendly Fat Man received a pistol-whip to the face and a severely scarred eye.

The last of The Friendly Fat Man's money was spent on a surgical operation to correct eye problems that he had been experiencing since the injury and he was desperate for cash. The man who robbed him was probably spending the money that he  had worked for and this was not fair at all.

Why should he should suffer so many injustices? Why is it that everybody else seems not to run into as many problems as he does?

''' Although he knew that it was wrong to think this way, he felt that his own life was deprived of happiness and if somebody else happened to suffer a similar injustice, it wasn't such an unfair thing. '''

He began to check for unlocked cars that he could steal money from. "Car-hopping" proved to be quite profitable, as he knew what neighborhoods to do it in. He soon moved up to stealing wares for businesses, and made a lot of easy money this way. As time went on, he became desensitized to criminal activity.

He even began robbing people at weapon-point as he, too, had been robbed in the past. He maintained his principals, but each time his work came into conflict with his own beliefs, he would perform the deed with increasingly machine-like indifference.

''' It was not long before The Friendly Fat Man had saved enough money to leave New York City for good. He caught a plane to Los Angeles, leaving his past far, far behind him. '''

'' The Friendly Fat Man had a long road ahead of him, but he was unafraid to do what was necessary to get ahead. ''

 This story was inspired by Dion's life outside of RuneScape.